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So Ashamed.... - 8/27/2008 3:42:56 AM
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befree712
Posts: 19
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline
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I haven't admitted this to anyone or anywhere...and maybe for the first time, I'm admitting it to myself. I've got to start somewhere. No one knows the despair in my heart, and the shame that I feel. I've been running from God for about a year now... running hard. Why? Shame. Lack of desire... and sin.
I'm addicted to porn. And although I am female, I recently had a relationship with another female. Thing is, I'm not lesbian, so I don't know what in the world happened and how it got started...
Now just typing that makes me want to throw up. And with that, I feel deeply sorry for even claiming the name of Christ when this has been my life...
I know I'm beyond disgusting, I don't even feel worth the time to be prayed for....and I don't know how else to describe myself, but I'll ask anyway because my life is just going in circles. Can you please pray for me?
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RE: So Ashamed.... - 8/27/2008 3:55:40 AM
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Caseyp57
Posts: 488
Joined: 8/8/2007
Status: offline
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God bless your heart (((befree))). The Lord sees your desire to change and will honor it. I'll be glad to pray....Lord please be with and comfort (((((befree)))). Help her to know that she is yours and you love her and will help her to break free this/these addictions. I pray you will guide her to compassionate caring friends and if necessary counseling Lord, and help her not to be lonely. Thank you for her desire to yield her life more fully to You and for working in her life and that you will continue to purify her life as you purify the lives of all your children. In Jesus name amen.
_____________________________
(Psalms 138:3 KJ21) In the day when I cried, Thou answered me, and strengthened me with strength in my soul.
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RE: So Ashamed.... - 8/27/2008 7:53:17 AM
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al4jc
Posts: 251
Joined: 4/17/2005
Status: offline
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befree, welcome to the forum! We are glad you're here and that we can pray for you! Please know that no matter how much we mess up, God still loves You. God already knew all of our weakness and sins, even before we were saved, yet God, who loves us unconditionally, has and will continue to love us and forgive us.
Lord, I pray for befree now, I pray You would break this addiction in her life. Lord, You see her heart and her desire to please You. I pray you would take this addiction from her and replace it with a love and desire for more of You. I ask, Lord, that you would give her good christian friends that will love and encourage her and not judge her. Help her to seek counseling for her addiction and I pray she would experience true freedom from this bondage.
in Jesus name,
amen
_____________________________
You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast because he trusts in you.
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RE: So Ashamed.... - 8/27/2008 8:19:56 AM
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barbi
Posts: 2302
Joined: 5/22/2005
From: New York
Status: offline
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praying in agreement with the others
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RE: So Ashamed.... - 8/27/2008 8:31:21 AM
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peaceofGod
Posts: 7670
Joined: 11/30/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline
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Father,
Thank you for the conviction you have given to befree712. Please help her to feel your welcoming arms and come into a beautiful, wholesome relationship with you. Free her from wrong desires and replace those wrong desires with the mind of Jesus Christ, in whose name we pray. Amen.
_____________________________
Jn 14:27;Php 4:6-8 Peace
Link: Jim's Reflections
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RE: So Ashamed.... - 8/27/2008 9:35:31 AM
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sparkleingsnow
Posts: 3770
Joined: 1/9/2007
Status: online
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befree, God meets us right where we are. And His word says that there is none without sin, no not one.(Thank You Father, that we don't have to "clean up" before we can turn to You.)
Father, in agreement with the above prayers. Thank You for loving befree so very much. Thank You for Your forgiveness. Help befree to forgive herself, and to see herself as You see her. A precious child of God. Remove this addiction from her, and help her to grow in Your love and Your truth. Bless her dear Lord as she grows in You and make her a blessing to others. In Jesus name. Amen
_____________________________
Bless the Lord, O my soul: and all that is
within me, bless his holy name.
Psalm 103:1
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RE: So Ashamed.... - 8/27/2008 9:43:55 AM
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conrack50
Posts: 795
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: 200 N. Bryan Ave. Shawnee, Ok 74801
Status: offline
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befree712,
We've all run from God for one reason or another so don't feel alone here!!
Lord, we pray for befree now.
You know the situation and can provide everything she needs to please only You.
Lord, You only know the most intimate details about all of us and yet You still love us, protect us and know that we only want Your love to have as our own.
Lord, comfort befree & remove the feelings she has about herself.
Replace them with Your love & mercy.
Lord, we ask that You work in the life of befree so that she will know You are always in control of everything, no matter what.
We ask this in Jesus name, amen
Connie Lou
_____________________________
Want to make some extra money?
No quotas,you're the boss.
Come take a look.
http://www.connieloubarnes.com
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RE: So Ashamed.... - 8/27/2008 11:06:26 PM
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tbrobinson
Posts: 304
Joined: 5/11/2005
From: MIAMI Florida
Status: offline
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Befree, you are in the right place with the right folks. The good news is that we have ALL sinned and fallen short of Gods plan for us. You are not disgusting, you are Gods creation and child. God does not make junk!
God is with you, his holy spirit is with you,and the community here is with you. God does not want you to live a life being ashamed, the enemy just loves this, and will use this to accuse you over and over and over.
Father I thank you that this child has come to the realization that you can't run from your sin or from you. Father please lead her in that paths that she needs to go.
Father break her addiction to pornography, father we claim her life for you, and satan and his troops have no place there, she is claimed for you. Please reveal to her the next steps and provide the right resources, make her path straight.
In Jesus name we pray
Amen
Befree check out XXXchurch.com a great place to start.
_____________________________
Isaiah 40:31 But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint
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RE: So Ashamed.... - 8/27/2008 11:52:18 PM
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TorchHeart
Posts: 1492
Joined: 6/4/2008
From: One of the coldest places on Earth
Status: online
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Lord, please look down upon befree712 and comfort her with your mercy and forgiveness. Please let her know that she is not the first person who has committed sins such as she has confessed, and that she will likely not be the last one, either. She has come to you looking for forgiveness, and I pray that this forgiveness she will find. For you gave to us your only begotten Son, Jesus Christ. And He did lay down His life for us upon the cross so that all sins might be forgiven, including those which befree712 has confessed to you. Let her know that her faith has made her whole, again, in your eyes, and remind her daily that Christ has already paid the penalty for her sins so that she could be forgiven of them.
With all of that in mind, please remove the spirit of shame from her, and replace it with a spirit of dignity and self-respect. I pray that you will help to guide her so that she might not fall back into her sins again. Please help her to break her addiction to pornography, Lord. Let her be surrouned with friends and family who will help her and nurture her in spirit, body, and mind. Please show her your unending mercy, and bless her, Lord. Remind her that she is precious in your eyes, as all your children are. Help her to find Godly advice in your Word. I pray that you will end her days of running around in circles by showing her that she no longer needs to run away from you, but rather that you desire her to run towards you. I pray that she will continue to seek and find you, Lord, and that befree712 will come to have a close and spiritual relationship with you.
I pray that she will come to not be ashamed to call upon the name of Jesus Christ for forgiveness, but will take pride in the fact that she can do so. For all of us have had to call upon your Son's name at one time or another for the sins we have committed. Lord, cherish this young woman who has come to you with an obviously meek and troubled heart. Bless her, Lord, and let her know that she only needs to accept Christ as her Savior to ask and receive your forgiveness.
I pray all of this for befree712 in the name of the Redeemer of all the World, Jesus Christ, Our Perfect Savior.
Amen.
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RE: So Ashamed.... - 10/2/2008 3:14:40 AM
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befree712
Posts: 19
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline
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Hello all. I apologize for not being around lately. I appreciate all of the prayers. Right now I'm just really needing to see God and only him. I will admit that I was ashamed and embarrassed for admitting this on the board, even though no one really knows who I am or anything. But then again, even after posting it here, I did feel a little bit of weight off my shoulders. I ask, if you could, keep praying. I know this isn't a week fix. I really do have roots that have gone so deep and I know that to get rid of this, I've got to start deep on the inside.
Also for prayer not just with this, but with my life in general. I feel like it's one big mess...probably because of my lack of fellowship with God. But I find myself worrying over so much and my anxiety levels seem to be at an all time high. I guess to know the deal, you'd need to know the background info. But I just ask that you pray. And if you have any questions, ask. Thank you all so much again for the prayers.
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RE: So Ashamed.... - 10/2/2008 5:32:58 AM
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conrack50
Posts: 795
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: 200 N. Bryan Ave. Shawnee, Ok 74801
Status: offline
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befree712,
We are all sinners, no matter what. There's nothing to be ashamed of here. I admitted to gambling in another post awhile back and felt like the weight of that sin made me able to understand myself even more. Since then I have stopped. The desire has left me since I asked the Lord to help me.
You asked for forgiveness and received it from God. HE is all that matters.
I had to yell at myself in the car yesterday because my anxiety level was so high about something stupid. It was a bill I couldn't pay on.Join the world's club I thought, no one can pay all their bills anymore. After I yelled, "Connie Lou, get hold of yourself".
I thanked the Lord for peace and the anxiety was gone.
No one needs any background details unless you want to give it. People here don't judge, they do as you ask, they pray for you.
If you feel your life's a mess tell God about it. He already knows how you or any of us feels, but He wants to hear it.
Precious Heavenly Father,
We ask for strength & courage be given to befree712.
We ask that the desire to be closer to You be stronger.
We ask for wisdom to be given to befree712.
We thank you Father that no matter what we do or say, You are always there waiting on us.
We praise you, we honor you, we give You all the glory.
In Jesus Name, amen
Connie Lou
_____________________________
Want to make some extra money?
No quotas,you're the boss.
Come take a look.
http://www.connieloubarnes.com
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RE: So Ashamed.... - 10/2/2008 9:20:07 AM
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sparkleingsnow
Posts: 3770
Joined: 1/9/2007
Status: online
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quote:
Original: conrack50
Precious Heavenly Father,
We ask for strength & courage be given to befree712.
We ask that the desire to be closer to You be stronger.
We ask for wisdom to be given to befree712.
We thank you Father that no matter what we do or say, You are always there waiting on us.
We praise you, we honor you, we give You all the glory.
In Jesus Name, amen
Amen. Yes Father, lift her up and draw her close. In Jesus precious name. Amen
_____________________________
Bless the Lord, O my soul: and all that is
within me, bless his holy name.
Psalm 103:1
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RE: So Ashamed.... - 10/2/2008 10:37:51 AM
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restinginHim
Posts: 432
Status: offline
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i am praying in agreement. AMEN
quote:
ORIGINAL: befree712... And if you have any questions, ask....
We don't need to have a question, dear sister... just the answer - JESUS
_____________________________
"As the Father loved Me, I also have loved you; abide in My love." John 15:9
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RE: So Ashamed.... - 10/2/2008 10:57:03 AM
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TorchHeart
Posts: 1492
Joined: 6/4/2008
From: One of the coldest places on Earth
Status: online
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Lord, please be with befree712 at this time. Please turn your eyes towards her and shower her with your mercy and forgiveness. Bless her for her desire to cleanse herself of whatever sins are weighing her down. Show her that, by laying them at your feet and accepting your Son, Jesus Christ, as her savior, she is forgiven and renewed in your sights.
Lord, I ask that you be an influence in befree712's life. Be with her at all times, and help teach her that she can turn to you for all her needs. Remove the spirit of anxiety from her and replace it with a spirit of peace and joy. Fill her life with signs of your wonderful presence so that she might continue to see your glory and be drawn even closer into a relationship with you. Help her to get things straight in her life. Give her direction and guidance so that she might learn to live in harmony with your perfect will. Show her how important she is to you, and remind her of the eternal love you feel for her and all your children. May she continue to draw strength from you and your word, and as a result press in closer to you. May she serve as a symbol to all who meet her of your redeeming powers, and how you help all those who turn to follow you as she has. I ask all of this in the name of the Savior of the World, Our Lord Jesus Christ.
Amen.
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