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Ways to be a Godly girlfriend... - 10/24/2008 10:50:40 AM
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ChelaW
Posts: 154
Joined: 7/30/2008
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I'm in a relationship with a wonderful Christian man...I know God has truly blessed me!!
He and I talk often about our needs, and he says (I've read this in Christian dating & marriage books, too) that most of all, he needs to feel respected by me. That's quite a bit different than what I need to feel from him...which is more romantic love.
My question is: since men's needs are so different than women's, how can I speak his language and show him my respect for him? Right now I cook for him often (he LOVES that!), support him in his career dreams & ambitions, tell him and others how proud I am of him for saving $ to open his own business, etc. But what else conveys respect to you guys?
I'm at a disadvantage because I didn't grow up with a father, uncle, brother or any other male figure, so I don't intuitively understand the differences between men & women. Any suggestions you can offer would be greatly appreciated!!
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RE: Ways to be a Godly girlfriend... - 10/24/2008 2:24:04 PM
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Death_Venom
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Joined: 10/21/2008
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Plain english is the best way to do it. Sad fact is when women try to sugarcoat what they want to say it ends getting misunderstood.
"Don't beat around the bush"-is what my father always said.
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RE: Ways to be a Godly girlfriend... - 10/24/2008 5:01:43 PM
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MrFribbles
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From: Hawaii, but I've moved around since then
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Another thing you might try is asking his advice on things that you're going through/wondering about, and actually taking it. That can show you take his opinions seriously.
_____________________________
You're a door without a key,
A field without a fence.
You've made a holy fool of me,
And I've thanked you ever since.
- Aaron Weiss
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RE: Ways to be a Godly girlfriend... - 10/24/2008 5:29:37 PM
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SamsonUSA
Posts: 1055
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Chela romantic love goes both ways. It is not something that women feel exclusively. Yes a man needs to feel respected too but I would make sure the romance you feel is reciprocated. We all have our own quirks and likes and dislikes but in a relationship if one is a romantic and the other isn't that usually spells trouble.
_____________________________
Knowledge humbles great men, astonishes the common man, and puffs up the little man
Chubby babies rock!
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RE: Ways to be a Godly girlfriend... - 10/24/2008 10:45:22 PM
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Locke
Posts: 355
Joined: 6/10/2005
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ChelaW, while agreeing with the above comments, I would like to add something in regards to respect. In my experience, the following really hurts or helps how respected I feel by my girlfriend. I write the following as if it were to my own girlfriend:
HELPS:
- tell me when you like what i do. I do these things because I love you. While I don't always need reminders that I'm appreciated, I do need them from time to time. More often is good!
- take my advice - especially when you know i'm right. This won't always be the case, but I love to see my words of wisdom in action in your life, helping you.
HURTS:
- nagging. Tell me once, and then remind me MUCH later if I forget. Constant reminders tell me that you don't trust me.
- public reprisal. Challenging me, my logic, my actions, words, or in any other way, or verbally disproving of me in any way in public is embarrassing and even humiliating at times. It makes me not want to trust you.
I'm sure there are others, but these are big for me.
_____________________________
View my blog and find links to my writing, graphic design, an online game and more! Click here!!
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RE: Ways to be a Godly girlfriend... - 10/24/2008 11:40:58 PM
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OneJohn410
Posts: 1520
Joined: 6/1/2008
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Hi ChelaW,
How about the wonderful couple you know at church. The wife of this couple, who's perhaps a second mom to you. They could even be old enough to be your grandparents, and if so, might be even happier to help out. Yes, keep looking for people to talk to, others that you respect, that have a visible history of a loving marriage that has no signs of letting up. I'd ask if you could share a lunch with them sometime, or a chat in their home. You might get people thinking and a couples ministry start up- just a bunch of couples that love reaffirming their love for each other and sharing that info with the younger generation.
God bless you on your quest for these answers. I only see your marriage getting stronger for knowing them.
OneJohn410
_____________________________
For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope. -Romans 15:4 (NIV)
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RE: Ways to be a Godly girlfriend... - 10/27/2008 11:02:08 AM
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ChelaW
Posts: 154
Joined: 7/30/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: OneJohn410
Hi ChelaW,
How about the wonderful couple you know at church. The wife of this couple, who's perhaps a second mom to you. They could even be old enough to be your grandparents, and if so, might be even happier to help out. Yes, keep looking for people to talk to, others that you respect, that have a visible history of a loving marriage that has no signs of letting up. I'd ask if you could share a lunch with them sometime, or a chat in their home. You might get people thinking and a couples ministry start up- just a bunch of couples that love reaffirming their love for each other and sharing that info with the younger generation.
God bless you on your quest for these answers. I only see your marriage getting stronger for knowing them.
OneJohn410
Those are great ideas, OneJohn, but unfortunately, we go to a HUGE megachurch where neither one of us really knows anyone. And I grew up with my single mother, so i've never had the opportunity of seeing what a successful, Godly relationship looks like.
However, even though my grandfather died when I was a toddler, I could always pick my grandmother's brain about it. From my understanding, they had a wonderful, loving marriage.
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RE: Ways to be a Godly girlfriend... - 10/27/2008 6:55:01 PM
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1love1God1way
Posts: 2478
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It sounds like you're doing a really good job, and he's mighty lucky to have you!
_____________________________
love.ben
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RE: Ways to be a Godly girlfriend... - 10/27/2008 9:13:35 PM
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makarizo
Posts: 2997
Joined: 4/13/2005
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quote:
most of all, he needs to feel respected by me.
even tho he says he needs to feel respected by you, what is (might be) meant by this is that he needs reassurance, he needs to hear you say it. It is a habit (healthy one) that some couples practice.
like loving someone, and hearing them say "I love you" the action might be there, but the words are so very important.
- just a thought. it sounds like your heart is very much into this relationship.
_____________________________
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RE: Ways to be a Godly girlfriend... - 10/28/2008 9:48:27 AM
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ChelaW
Posts: 154
Joined: 7/30/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: 1love1God1way
It sounds like you're doing a really good job, and he's mighty lucky to have you!
Aww, thank you! I'm pretty lucky to have him, too!! 
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