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RE: Singles, do you make yourself known? - 12/14/2007 12:44:05 AM
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believeinhim2
Posts: 391
Joined: 7/24/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: cammo2006
You lot crack me up!!!!
As far as the idea of getting yourself noticed -- I genuinely believe that this can go too far. You can put yourself out there too much. Of course, that's not my problem, in fact, I can be quite insular at times. My biggest problem is starting a conversation and keeping it going for the first few minutes. Once I get past that, I seem to be ok.
That insularity and the fact I tend to gradually warm to people, doesn't mix very well. Getting to know more people is really something I need to work on in the next while.
I think i have the opposite problem. I have no problem talking to people. Sometimes i think i talk too much....lol. I am a pretty outgoing person.
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~mandi~
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Give ear to my words, O LORD, consider my meditation. 2 Hearken unto the voice of my cry, my King, and my God: for unto thee will I pray. Ps5:1-2
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RE: Singles, do you make yourself known? - 12/14/2007 12:52:20 AM
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believeinhim2
Posts: 391
Joined: 7/24/2007
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: cammo2006
quote:
ORIGINAL: believeinhim2
quote:
ORIGINAL: cammo2006
You lot crack me up!!!!
As far as the idea of getting yourself noticed -- I genuinely believe that this can go too far. You can put yourself out there too much. Of course, that's not my problem, in fact, I can be quite insular at times. My biggest problem is starting a conversation and keeping it going for the first few minutes. Once I get past that, I seem to be ok.
That insularity and the fact I tend to gradually warm to people, doesn't mix very well. Getting to know more people is really something I need to work on in the next while.
I think i have the opposite problem. I have no problem talking to people. Sometimes i think i talk too much....lol. I am a pretty outgoing person.
That's the problem I have once I get going...
I don't really consider it much of a problem.....lol. Someone has to carry the conversation and it might as well be me....lol. Have you ever noticed what terrible conversation skills some people have???
_____________________________
~mandi~
myspace
Give ear to my words, O LORD, consider my meditation. 2 Hearken unto the voice of my cry, my King, and my God: for unto thee will I pray. Ps5:1-2
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RE: Singles, do you make yourself known? - 12/14/2007 1:01:18 AM
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believeinhim2
Posts: 391
Joined: 7/24/2007
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It can be difficult when you are talking to someone that you don't know very well. When ever i start to get nervous i jsut remind myself that they don't know me either and they are probably just as nervous as i am about it. I usually make small talk about the weather and whatnot till i am comfortable then when i am pretty relaxed around the person i will talk about other stuff.
_____________________________
~mandi~
myspace
Give ear to my words, O LORD, consider my meditation. 2 Hearken unto the voice of my cry, my King, and my God: for unto thee will I pray. Ps5:1-2
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RE: Singles, do you make yourself known? - 12/14/2007 2:27:06 AM
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mutinywxgirl
Posts: 12573
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: west coast of FL
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: cammo2006
Yeah. I'm not that brilliant myself, but I try. Changing topics is often where I lose a convo.
Well, when that happens, start asking questions about the topic and you'll learn things from it - that's what I find myself doing. And if it's really something I'm not interested in, then, if possible, I excuse myself and leave the situation.
_____________________________
When blood and water hit the ground.
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down.
We were free and made alive.
The day true love died. The day true love died.
Lisa is happy THE ROWDIES ARE BACK!
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RE: Singles, do you make yourself known? - 12/14/2007 7:23:22 PM
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PreserveWildlife
Posts: 530
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: Tennessee
Status: offline
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OK, time to bring the thread back to my original purpose...
How do we make ourselves known to others. Here are some things I've done this week:
1. Had dinner with some people from church I didn't know well and talked
2. Contributed some prints for an auction at our church Christmas party tomorrow - interacted with someone new
3. Arranged the next dinner occasion for some people next week
And I have seen positive benefits of it. I'm feeling better and interacting better. I'm feeling more involved in community because I'm participating IN COMMUNITY and not expecting it to come to me. I'm adopting healthier thoughts and finding it easier to do the right things. In short, I feel great because I'm making myself known and spending effort in learning who other people are.
So what have any of you all done to make yourselves known this week?
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RE: Singles, do you make yourself known? - 8/26/2008 4:56:31 PM
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Grace-N-Mercy
Posts: 6133
Joined: 5/2/2005
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quote:
It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. If I won't let anyone in, no one comes in. No one comes in, I'm alone. I'm alone, so I'm, justified in not letting anyone in. I believe the key to breaking this destructive pattern is to make yourself knowable. Take the initiative. Try something radical.
Just wanted to bump this thread because it's a great topic, and one I've given a LOT of thought to this past week. I had been reading the "What do you do to prepare for marriage" thread, and I was going to add that I'm trying to be more open.
Sometimes we have needs, and if we don't let those needs be known, how can someone comfort us? Do we really want others to comfort us? I know that some of you have no problems with this, but others of us struggle because we were raised to be "strong" and not need others. We want to be the strong ones in control of our lives and thus don't let others in to see the more tender sides of ourselves. This builds intimacy and it's what God has designed for us. I know that Neil's thread is about letting others get to know us on a personal level, while I'm talking about a much deeper level... but it still fits.
Thoughts?
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RE: Singles, do you make yourself known? - 8/26/2008 5:25:23 PM
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trainfan
Posts: 2331
Joined: 7/26/2007
From: neither here nor there
Status: offline
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quote:
Sometimes we have needs, and if we don't let those needs be known, how can someone comfort us? Do we really want others to comfort us? I know that some of you have no problems with this, but others of us struggle because we were raised to be "strong" and not need others. We want to be the strong ones in control of our lives and thus don't let others in to see the more tender sides of ourselves. This builds intimacy and it's what God has designed for us. I know that Neil's thread is about letting others get to know us on a personal level, while I'm talking about a much deeper level... but it still fits.
Thoughts?
The bolded part fits the way I am. I can't say I have any specific thoughts about it right now though other than I know I should be more open.
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RE: Singles, do you make yourself known? - 8/26/2008 6:01:36 PM
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BugLady
Posts: 2444
Joined: 12/5/2005
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quote:
Thoughts?
When I know the truth, I can make myself known.
_____________________________
The Legislature finds and declares that crimes against elders and dependent adults are deserving of special consideration and protection. . .
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RE: Singles, do you make yourself known? - 8/26/2008 9:51:46 PM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 2615
Joined: 12/11/2007
From: The little house in the prairie
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Grace-N-Mercy
quote:
It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. If I won't let anyone in, no one comes in. No one comes in, I'm alone. I'm alone, so I'm, justified in not letting anyone in. I believe the key to breaking this destructive pattern is to make yourself knowable. Take the initiative. Try something radical.
Just wanted to bump this thread because it's a great topic, and one I've given a LOT of thought to this past week. I had been reading the "What do you do to prepare for marriage" thread, and I was going to add that I'm trying to be more open.
Sometimes we have needs, and if we don't let those needs be known, how can someone comfort us? Do we really want others to comfort us? I know that some of you have no problems with this, but others of us struggle because we were raised to be "strong" and not need others. We want to be the strong ones in control of our lives and thus don't let others in to see the more tender sides of ourselves. This builds intimacy and it's what God has designed for us. I know that Neil's thread is about letting others get to know us on a personal level, while I'm talking about a much deeper level... but it still fits.
This is so true. We all want to know and be known. Just like the song in Cheers, sometimes you wanna go where every body knows your name (hopefully, not for anything bad, lol). We all want a place where we can be vulnerable and still be accepted. Unfortunately, what prevents us from being real is the label we receive when we show our tender side; our side that needs some comfort. You say something to the effect that you're struggling, and automatically, a vast majority of people thinks you're whining. So, some wisdom definitely has to be exercised when you're opening yourself up to people, because you don't want any more damage added to the injuries.
< Message edited by Prairiehiker -- 8/26/2008 11:24:54 PM >
_____________________________
O Lord my God, When I in awesome wonder,
Consider all the worlds Thy Hands have made;
I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder
Thy power through out the universe displayed
How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
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RE: Singles, do you make yourself known? - 8/26/2008 11:59:47 PM
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Anamchara
Posts: 98
Joined: 9/16/2005
Status: offline
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Interesting post, I have often woundered about this as well. I am a fairly open person, if I am atleast aquainted with you. I am a travel nurse that works cardiac intensive care, I talk with people I dont know every day of my life, its the nature of the job that I have. I can usually find something I have in common with everyone. I get surveyed numerous times, I wish I had a nickel for every time I get asked how old I am, how many kids I have and why I am not married. So I guess all this ramble is to answer your question, no I guess I dont really advertise myself. Even if people ask me if I have any kids and I say no, I dont let my desires be known. When people ask me if I am married, I just respond no...but rarely let my hearts desire be known on the matter. Shrugs
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RE: Singles, do you make yourself known? - 8/27/2008 12:03:53 AM
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Grace-N-Mercy
Posts: 6133
Joined: 5/2/2005
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker
quote:
ORIGINAL: Grace-N-Mercy
quote:
It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. If I won't let anyone in, no one comes in. No one comes in, I'm alone. I'm alone, so I'm, justified in not letting anyone in. I believe the key to breaking this destructive pattern is to make yourself knowable. Take the initiative. Try something radical.
Just wanted to bump this thread because it's a great topic, and one I've given a LOT of thought to this past week. I had been reading the "What do you do to prepare for marriage" thread, and I was going to add that I'm trying to be more open.
Sometimes we have needs, and if we don't let those needs be known, how can someone comfort us? Do we really want others to comfort us? I know that some of you have no problems with this, but others of us struggle because we were raised to be "strong" and not need others. We want to be the strong ones in control of our lives and thus don't let others in to see the more tender sides of ourselves. This builds intimacy and it's what God has designed for us. I know that Neil's thread is about letting others get to know us on a personal level, while I'm talking about a much deeper level... but it still fits.
This is so true. We all want to know and be known. Just like the song in Cheers, sometimes you wanna go where every body knows your name (hopefully, not for anything bad, lol). We all want a place where we can be vulnerable and still be accepted. Unfortunately, what prevents us from being real is the label we receive when we show our tender side; our side that needs some comfort. You say something to the effect that you're struggling, and automatically, a vast majority of people thinks you're whining. So, some wisdom definitely has to be exercised when you're opening yourself up to people, because you don't want any more damage added to the injuries.
Exactly! I think this is why so many of us hesitate. We need to be around safe people, and not everyone is safe. We open ourselves up to be understood, not to be criticized.
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RE: Singles, do you make yourself known? - 8/27/2008 6:22:42 AM
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mutinywxgirl
Posts: 12573
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: west coast of FL
Status: offline
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I've been told that I am emotionally cold - that I hold them back. And yes, I do that - as I can't fathom that the other person would be feeling the way I am about them. So, I hide them - and trust me, I'm a master at it! It's got to stop - because it's really hindering me - in a lot of ways.
_____________________________
When blood and water hit the ground.
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down.
We were free and made alive.
The day true love died. The day true love died.
Lisa is happy THE ROWDIES ARE BACK!
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|
|
|
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RE: Singles, do you make yourself known? - 8/27/2008 7:37:52 AM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 2615
Joined: 12/11/2007
From: The little house in the prairie
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: mutinywxgirl
I've been told that I am emotionally cold - that I hold them back. And yes, I do that - as I can't fathom that the other person would be feeling the way I am about them. So, I hide them - and trust me, I'm a master at it! It's got to stop - because it's really hindering me - in a lot of ways.
I'm the same. I'm very warm when I'm not threatened, but the moment someone got close to me, I'm as cold as ice and has a wall higher than the Great Wall. This last year, I've watched and observed myself in a lot of situations, and my hiding pattern is so evident--something I have to work on.
_____________________________
O Lord my God, When I in awesome wonder,
Consider all the worlds Thy Hands have made;
I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder
Thy power through out the universe displayed
How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
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RE: Singles, do you make yourself known? - 8/27/2008 8:56:07 AM
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Tinkerbell_
Posts: 7697
Joined: 1/25/2008
From: NeverNeverLand
Status: offline
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Me too.
I have so many friends who aren't this way and I always said I was a bitter person because I've been burned soooo many times that trust just doesn't come easy for me.
Do you guys feel this is the reason, or you're just guarded by nature?
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