RE: Do we need an UNNatural childbirth support and discussion thread too? (Full Version)

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IAMJulie -> RE: Do we need an UNNatural childbirth support and discussion thread too? (7/11/2010 10:20:24 PM)

You should check out the poem this blogger wrote about her c-section.



Sideways -> RE: Do we need an UNNatural childbirth support and discussion thread too? (7/11/2010 10:37:31 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: danas_mom
It's been almost 12 years since my first c-section (and 6 years since my third) and I still can't bring myself to feel like I actually "gave birth" to any of my children. I doubt I ever will.


I'm not questioning anyone's right to their feelings - you feel what you feel, but I find comments like this, and that poem above, horrifically sad.

I truly don't understand why pushing the baby out through my vagina would've been better/superior in any way. I guess it's something you either get or don't get.

And I don't get it.



pink.. -> Do we need an UNNatural childbirth support and discussion thread too? (7/11/2010 10:41:01 PM)

I did two vaginal deliveries and then a C. I don't feel bad about the C. It was an emergency. My son would not be alive if I had delivered vaginally. The fourth was a VBAC and that was a mistake. I've had so many people tell me how wonderful it was that I did a VBAC. I wanted more children and wasn't able to have them do to the VBAC. Healing was "normal" after the vaginal deliveries. It was harder after the C and even harder yet after the VBAC.

I was at a childbirthing class with my dd last week. The instructor told the girls to have a birthing plan ready and written down, then be ready to change it in a moment's notice. She stressed to the girls that it's not how you give birth, it's how you raise your baby that matters most.



Sideways -> RE: Do we need an UNNatural childbirth support and discussion thread too? (7/11/2010 10:46:22 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: pink..
She stressed to the girls that it's not how you give birth, it's how you raise your baby that matters most.


AMEN!

Healing after my 2nd section was faster then my first, and I had a 21 month old tornado to deal with after the 2nd section! I had my kids in my arms and to the breast within the hour both times. And I was well rested for the 2nd section because I hadn't been awake for the last 2 days in labor. The recovery wasn't bad at all.

In the interest of honesty, the actual surgery itself was rough the second time around because my blood pressure plunged (dropped to 50/25), but the medical staff handled that very well.



sharonjef2007 -> RE: Do we need an UNNatural childbirth support and discussion thread too? (7/11/2010 11:05:33 PM)

I can identify with that poem....a lot.



GlassMoonWaltzes -> RE: Do we need an UNNatural childbirth support and discussion thread too? (7/11/2010 11:13:06 PM)

quote:


Going on a soapbox here:
The miracle of birth for me is not the birth - it is the fact that we can grow and support a baby in our bodies. That this tiny being is formed from just a seed, and develops into a person. That is truly a miracle. The process of birth is simply the way that God designed our body to expell a baby. If you think about our digestive system, (ick) our body expels a lot of things. The only difference is what has come out. Sometimes, just like every other function in our body - it doesn't work like God intended. (Like Donna said - sin has entered into the world and caused our bodies to degenerate.) WHY, then, do woman act like giving birth is this some magical process that brings you to a higher level. Let me tell you, there is NO crown in heaven for having a vaginal. Or having a drug-free vaginal. If that is what one desires, fine - I'm all for a woman's right to deliver how she wants. But let's get off our high horses and pretend that we are some super-woman because we gave birth unassisted in a wading pool in our back yards. How one gives birth DOES NOT, and NEVER WILL make them a better person, wife, mother, or human being. Period. As woman we need to stop living up to the challenge of being "perfect" and having everything "perfect", and live each day, putting one foot in front of the other and asking God what he has for us this day.

[sm=thumbsup.gif][sm=thumbsup.gif]

Also, many of us who never got to get married/have kids consider those who are parents as being very blessed (although don't get me wrong, I understand cabin fever--started to get it towards the end of my stay at my sisters) whether the kids were c-section, vaginal, or adopted.

Honestly, when I look at women with children I just adore the kids and how the woman happened to have given birth (or if they're even birth kids at all) really doesn't cross my mind.

*disclaimer....I do have symathy for those that feel sad about their c-sections, so just know my post is meant to be encouraging, not insensitive



3cappuccinosmom -> RE: Do we need an UNNatural childbirth support and discussion thread too? (7/11/2010 11:16:28 PM)

Sharon, I don't think there's anything wrong with you for feeling as you do.

It's not about "superior". It has nothing to do with character or being a good mom. There are many reasons that have nothing to do with those things for not wanting a section and for being disappointed for having one, especially if the situation lends itself to also feeling like you were not given the say you should have had, or you were misled or misinformed.

Watching my sister go through this now. She didn't do anything "wrong". Since it was likely a cord issue there may not have been anything different to do. She's a great mom. But what she went through was still traumatic and disappointing for her.



Sideways -> RE: Do we need an UNNatural childbirth support and discussion thread too? (7/11/2010 11:21:39 PM)

And maybe that is the difference for me, I always felt like my feelings were respected, and I made the best choice I could under the circumstances I was in. I was offered a VBAC (with certain stipulations) and I declined. But at least I had the choice.

I was prepared for a section anyways. My mom and maternal grandma both had 'em. My female cousins had them, too. My paternal grandmother would've raised six children if they'd done a section, but they didn't, so she only got to raise 5.



karlie -> RE: Do we need an UNNatural childbirth support and discussion thread too? (7/11/2010 11:41:02 PM)

I don't normally post here, although I do read just because I find it interesting and can relive some of my pregnancy/delivery days vicariously!

I had two c-sections...one semi-emergency after nearly 40 hours of nightmarish labor(in which just about everything that could go wrong did)and the second one, a planned c-section. I don't relate to that poem at all! Sure, we were a little shell-shocked over the first one...it definitely wasn't our plan. But, God knew what was best for us. And she was healthy, I survived, and I was a mom! No, the healing wasn't the most pleasant thing ever, but neither were the preceding 36 hours and all the issues I went through, let me tell you!

In the end, I'm 100% fine with my c-sections, in fact made complete peace with it before she was a month old. I actually found a lot of good that came from having c-sections...things that would probably not have turned out the same if I had had a natural delivery. I seriously would NOT go back and change a single thing about my c-sections. I'd change the problematic labor and how scary that was for us, but not the c-section itself. Our trauma came from the labor, not the c-sections.

There are unique blessings that come with either way you deliver...you just have to be willing to look for them. But, Ive always been a cup half-full kind of girl, so maybe I'm just demented and choose to see what I want to!



GlassMoonWaltzes -> RE: Do we need an UNNatural childbirth support and discussion thread too? (7/11/2010 11:48:00 PM)

quote:


In the end, I'm 100% fine with my c-sections, in fact made complete peace with it before she was a month old. I actually found a lot of good that came from having c-sections...things that would probably not have turned out the same if I had had a natural delivery. I seriously would NOT go back and change a single thing about my c-sections. I'd change the problematic labor and how scary that was for us, but not the c-section itself. Our trauma came from the labor, not the c-sections.


I remember on the boards previously, you said one good thing that came of it was that your husband got to bond with the babies right away as you recovered.



pink.. -> Do we need an UNNatural childbirth support and discussion thread too? (7/12/2010 1:21:36 AM)

I hope I didn't make anyone feel bad about choosing a VBAC. I just wanted to point out that VBACs aren't always all that they are cracked up to be. My understanding is that VBACs weren't commonplace until the mid '80s or so and my dd was born in '93. Any of my friends who had previously had a C opted for another C if they had another baby. When I had my VBAC, I didn't know any other woman who'd had one.

VBACs have come a long way and women are more educated in knowing what to look for as far as danger signs during a VBAC. My doctor was out of town. I had been in labor three times before and I knew the pain this time wasn't right. What I didn't know was exactly how wrong that type of pain was. Apparently the doctor filling in for him didn't know that was a danger sign until it was too late because he refused to do a C on me. Now women know what to look out for when contemplating a VBAC.



Sideways -> RE: Do we need an UNNatural childbirth support and discussion thread too? (7/12/2010 7:58:59 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: GlassMoonWaltzes
I remember on the boards previously, you said one good thing that came of it was that your husband got to bond with the babies right away as you recovered.


That was true for me, as well. My husband was right there at the baby's side was soon as they came out, taking pictures and stroking their skin. It's good to remember that he had been waiting a long time for this baby, too. And to be honest, I would've preferred that they clean the baby up first, even if it was a vaginal birth.

As far as the baby, I think the section is easier in some ways. Instead of spending hours upon hours getting squished through the birth canal (which is very traumatic for some babies), they get it over with quickly. My sections were actually very friendly, warm places with med students and nurses cooing over the baby.



Sideways -> RE: Do we need an UNNatural childbirth support and discussion thread too? (7/12/2010 9:24:52 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: karlie

There are unique blessings that come with either way you deliver...you just have to be willing to look for them. But, Ive always been a cup half-full kind of girl, so maybe I'm just demented and choose to see what I want to!


I think your post was a wonderful way to look at it. The part that really tore at me about the poor lady who wrote that poem... she saw only the best side of this fantasy vaginal birth she wanted and only the worst about the section she had, and what she thought the vaginal birth might've been like was barely realistic. But because she didn't get her fantasy experience, she was in such pain.

It hurts me to think that women are tearing themselves up over a fantasy, or ready to tie their tubes like Sharon ('cause you make some lovely babies[:)]), when there are good aspects to a section. Like you said, Karlie, there are blessings everywhere you look.



3cappuccinosmom -> RE: Do we need an UNNatural childbirth support and discussion thread too? (7/12/2010 9:33:45 AM)

quote:

But because she didn't get her fantasy experience, she was in such pain.


This wasn't her first baby, she'd experienced labor before, so I'm not sure it was all fantasy. All natural labor isn't hellish. So in comparison to her other labors, it's very possible that the c-section was horrible. Reading the birth story below it, it's a lot more than just the section that she's grieving.



macokjc -> RE: Do we need an UNNatural childbirth support and discussion thread too? (7/12/2010 9:34:16 AM)

quote:

I hope I didn't make anyone feel bad about choosing a VBAC. I just wanted to point out that VBACs aren't always all that they are cracked up to be. My understanding is that VBACs weren't commonplace until the mid '80s or so and my dd was born in '93. Any of my friends who had previously had a C opted for another C if they had another baby. When I had my VBAC, I didn't know any other woman who'd had one.


I had a friend who tried a VBAC at a good hospital, with a good doctor, and her uterus still split and she had to have an emergency c-section.

It may not be on this board, (although I have seen it), but there is a "all-natural movement is far superior attitude" among woman. It's not about choice - although that is what is SHOULD be about. Why do you think people feel bad? It's mostly because they basically have been told they didn't measure up. They didn't have the "perfect" experience. Then when they read on boards of the "Perfect" experience, they feel worse. However, it comes to a point where if you feel bad, you have to make a choice to move on. We will never change the way society thinks if we don't stand up. This goes beyond birthing, it has to do with the way woman treat each other:

Had a c-section? You're not a real woman
Give them a bottle - You didn't try very hard
Go back to work - You are neglecting your child
Stay at home- you are a helicopter mom
Don't feed them organic - you don't buy the right food
Go to McDonalds - you are destroying their health
Send them to school - How could you - don't you know you are corrupting them?
Homeschool them - Wow, your kids are SO unsocialized

I don't understand, I honestly don't, about having the perfect birth. That's just not me. I don't understand why somebody would be sad at having a c-section. I remember while in labor with my 1st and my 4th when it just wouldn't progress - I was begging for a c-section. I never had a birth plan, never even when to a childbirth class, never had a perfect scenario set up in my mind. It just wasn't important to me. I trusted my doctors completely and just wanted a healthy baby.

I do, however, understand the death of a dream. When I was pregnant with my 5th, I was so excited. My husband had moved up the corporate ladder, and I could finally afford to buy new things. I was going to put the two oldest in school, and enjoy my little ones and my baby. Life was going to be good. I didn't dream of a perfect pregnancy or delivery, but I did dream of a perfect post-partum, life with 5 little ones. Then, when I was 8 months pregnant, I found out my husband was losing his job. His last day was 3 days before the baby was born. We couldn't afford anything, I couldn't buy anything, I couldn't even set up a nursery. Life was very, very stressful, and all I could think was that "why, God, this wasn't the way it was suppose to be." It honestly took a very long time for me to realize that this is the life that God has me in, and to live each day to honor him. I had a healthy child, our needs were being met, and those wants were only wants. I cling to Jeremiah 29:11 - knowing that His plan will prosper us and not harm us. However, it's still hard and hardly a day does not go by that I don't have to say that out loud.

Just cling to His promisess for your life.



daughter_of_faith -> RE: Do we need an UNNatural childbirth support and discussion thread too? (7/12/2010 11:39:13 AM)

Wow! That is quite the poem, Julie. Her friend had quite the experience (horrid really) with a doctor the blogger mentioned she didn't want. WOW...I would take a C-section any day over rude treatment from a doctor.



Sideways -> RE: Do we need an UNNatural childbirth support and discussion thread too? (7/12/2010 11:39:38 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: 3cappuccinosmom
This wasn't her first baby, she'd experienced labor before, so I'm not sure it was all fantasy. All natural labor isn't hellish. So in comparison to her other labors, it's very possible that the c-section was horrible. Reading the birth story below it, it's a lot more than just the section that she's grieving.


I confess I didn't read her whole blog, just the poem I was directed, too. I know some women have easy natural labors, and I do understand that some women have very frustrating circumstances leading up to and surrounding the section. I do get that part.

What is painful to hear is when women are still hurting over having a section months or years after the fact. That part I find truly tragic, and I do feel as though part of the reason women aren't able to move on is this idea of the "correct" or "perfect" way things ought to be done. It's buried in their subconscious or conscious mind. I hate the idea that women are made to feel as though they were "raped" or "didn't really give birth".

ETA: Except for being jerked around with at the ER, that bloggers section experience didn't sound that horrid to me, and even she made it sound like a vaginal birth would not have been the best option. Although I do agree that unless the baby was under immediate threat they should've waited for the husband.



sharonjef2007 -> RE: Do we need an UNNatural childbirth support and discussion thread too? (7/12/2010 7:20:31 PM)

Well for us, Derrek was doing well. I was doing well. Labor was in it's early EARLY stages. Our only problem, Derrek was breech. Doctor said he found no reason at all that he was breech. Uterus looked textbook, same with the umbilical cord and placenta. He was just rear first and my hospital does not normally allow for breech deliveries. My doctor has done them before, but stopped in 2002 for various reasons....malpractice insurance I'm sure one of them.

I still wonder if we would have had the same outcome if I had waited to go to the hospital. I wonder if he had been born at 38 or 39 weeks if he would have turned. I wonder if he had some extra time in there if breastfeeding would have gone better and have been more successful for both of us.
You have to remember, I went from a true and honest unlogical fear of pregnancy and childbirth to coming to terms regarding the pregnancy part. With that, I started reading as books and such regarding pregnancy and childbirth as I could. I think the Sears' "The Birth Book" is the one that convinced me that going natural as much as possible was not only possible, but best for everyone.

Yes, my c-section resulted in a healthy baby. I don't think I'm healthier from it. Almost 9 months later I still have some effects from it. I didn't heal quickly or easily, at least in my opinion. And now my uterus is weaker for potential future pregnancies that have a huge chance of ending with another section....making my uterus weaker still.

To me, a section is something that is done because there is no other alternative. And, I feel like I sold out too easily when it came to mine.



Sideways -> RE: Do we need an UNNatural childbirth support and discussion thread too? (7/12/2010 10:09:23 PM)

Do you ever feel as though doctors are sort of stuck between a rock and hard place when it comes to breech births?



sharonjef2007 -> RE: Do we need an UNNatural childbirth support and discussion thread too? (7/12/2010 10:25:36 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sideways

Do you ever feel as though doctors are sort of stuck between a rock and hard place when it comes to breech births?


Yup! I just wish I had stayed at home much longer and until I was much more along in labor so that perhaps the section would not have happened.

At this point it is in the past and there is nothing I can do to change it. However, I just pray that my lack of action in my first delivery does not mean I'm stuck with c-sections for any other pregnancies I may have.



3cappuccinosmom -> RE: Do we need an UNNatural childbirth support and discussion thread too? (7/13/2010 4:01:03 PM)

quote:

Had a c-section? You're not a real woman


You forgot one. [:D]

"You're not inducing? Well, *you* might feel comfortable risking your child's life, but I'm not". or the ever-lovely "You don't get a medal for that, you know."

It does go both ways. There is plenty of sniffing and huffing on both sides of this issue. You are right it is very wrong behavior no matter what the issue.



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