|
Users viewing this topic:
none
|
|
Login  | |
|
RE: Babbling Boots - 6/26/2009 6:39:39 PM
|
|
|
bootsNspurs
Posts: 1319
Joined: 1/24/2007
From: Wisconsin, but currently in the desert!
Status: offline
|
Does anyone know anything about www.musicnotes.com ? Like, if I just made a really stupid decision by putting in my cc number to purchase something from them? I really wanted the sheet music to Sandi Patty's version of Via Dolorosa, and that was the easiest place to find it. I checked my local store as well as christianbook.com but had no results.
I am going to purchase the accompaniment (and a demo version of her singing it of course) of Sandi Patty's Via Dolorosa from my local Christian bookstore. I have decided that I really want to continue to do something with my voice, and I have loved that song since I first heard it last year or so. I figure that I will continue to work on my voice daily (as daily as I can!), and then when I feel comfortable enough with this song, I will probably approach my pastor about possibly singing it at church some time. I really have a burning desire to use my voice for the Lord. I haven't regularly worked on my voice seriously in several years, and so I know I need to work on it a while first to get my voice (and my breath support) back where it needs to be.
My problem? I am terrified to sing in front of people... LOL. But, I conquered my fear and sang in front of probly 150 or more people at my graduation last November from the state public safety telecommunicator (dispatch) academy. I sang the national anthem, although I could have done so much better. I was so scared that my legs were shaking something fierce. I really thought they weren't going to hold me up the entire time, but they did. My breath support also went out the window because of how nervous I was. As far as pitch and all that, I think I did fine, though. But... not one of my best moments, for sure. I was very proud of myself, even though I freaked, because I made myself face it and do it.
My proposed solution? (I'm looking for input on this.) I think that once I get comfortable with this song, that I will ask a few friends to let me sing it for them. Being that I'm scared to sing in front of people, I figure it has to be good practice, right? I'm still scared whether it's one person or 200 people. There's probly about 350 people in my church on any given Thursday night (when we have service). I also think that since one of my friends has been (maybe is again?) a worship leader, that I will see about asking him to listen and maybe help me a bit with it when I feel okay with it. And then, since it's at their house that our Friday night Bible study group usually meets, and we have worship and stuff, too, I may ask him if I can sing it one Friday night. There will be about 20 people there, so that would probably be good preparation. Does that sound like a good idea? Any other ideas?
I have just finally come to a point that this desire has been in me for so long to sing for the Lord that I'm ready to do something about it. I've realized that I'm not going to get asked to do anything if no one knows I can sing, either... lol. I want it so much. I have been told by numerous people that my singing has ministered to them, and they've just heard me sing here and there, not ever in a solo type situation. I really think that the Lord wants to use me. I want Him to be able to use me. So I feel like I've got to take the step. I also don't want my fear to hold me back anymore from doing what I feel the Lord is asking me to do. I have got to get past that.
**Warning, Story Time. Warning again, I can't tell a short story to save my life!!** 
The Lord used music in my life to save my life - really. When I was little, I used to cry and cry because I had such a strong desire to sing, and I didn't think I could sing worth a nothin'. My mom had done this little family program that the school was doing one year when I was in fourth grade. One of the teachers who volunteered (I believe it was volunteer) for this after school program was Kathy Paul. She was the middle school age choir teacher and music teacher. Through this program, I was able to get to know her somewhat and be mostly comfortable with her.
(Side note: I was not really truly comfortable with much of anyone at that point. I didn't trust anyone and had big issues due to other things in life.)
I had Kathy for a music teacher in sixth grade, and then in seventh grade we had to make a decision as to what we were going to take. We could take choir, band, both, or neither. It was the beginning of the year, and Kathy knew how much I loved to sing. She also knew how terrified I was to sing in front of anyone. She had told me that I was going to have to audition - which wasn't really audition, it was just to sing a bit for her so she knew what section to place us in. The thought of that freaked me out so much that I wasn't going to sign up for choir. I filled out my sheet having only checked band on it, and I brought it up to Kathy (one of several people collecting the sheets that day). She took one look at it and said, "Why isn't choir checked on here, missy?" When I told her, she said, "You go back there and check choir and you bring this back to me!" So I did.  That was such a blessing and a God-orchestrated thing. I had no idea how much I was going to need that.
I took choir that year. Kathy is one of those amazing people who lives for the Lord in a quiet way and whose good things probably tend to go unnoticed because they are done so quietly. Of course, they are certainly noticed by those that she touches with the Lord's love. Kathy saw something in me, and she worked with me. I would go to her after school for voice lessons, which she did on her own time and free of charge. Kathy worked with me on my voice and on opening up.
To give you an idea of where she started from with me, the year before I had wanted to be in the school musical so much. I auditioned... kind of. I got up in front of the class to sing, and when I got up there I was so freaked that I choked. I turned bright red and couldn't breathe, let alone sing. I started to cry. Talk about awful!!
When I'd go to her classroom after school for voice lessons, Kathy was always very sensitive to me. If I came in there and she knew I was upset, she would stop playing the piano, walk over to the chairs, sit down, and pat the chair next to her for me to come sit. Then she would say something like, "Okay kiddo. What's wrong?" And she would listen. Kathy truly listened.
The more she worked with me to open up vocally and the more she actually asked and listened to the other things weighing on my heart, the more I opened up in other areas. I also opened up more to the Lord. Before this, and during this time as well, I was very depressed. There was a lot of stuff going on in my home life as well as at school. I would cry at night and cry myself to sleep because I wanted to die. I did not want to face another day, and I felt I was too chicken to end my life myself. I prayed that if God existed, and if He didn't totally hate me, to please kill me every night because I couldn't stand the though of another day. Each day when I woke up it was agonizing to realize I was alive to face another day.
Singing became an outlet for me. Kathy became a safe place for me. The Lord's love flowed through Kathy throughout all of this. Kathy had even given me her home number and listened to me several nights on the phone. I will never forget one day I was fighting with a friend who brought Kathy into it by telling Kathy what I had called this friend. When Kathy questioned me about it, the underlying issue from the fight came out quickly and I started to cry. This was right after class one day. Kathy pulled me into her office, shut the door, and encouraged me with such a passion to stick to my values about what was going on. She also shared with me something about her. (For the sake of confidentiality for her, I won't share the specifics.) I was floored at the passion and force that came out of Kathy that day, and I have never forgotten what she told me. When faced with situation after situation to compromise that Biblical value that was in question, I have held tight to the Lord's way in a huge way due to Kathy's talk with me that day in her office.
When another teacher brought me to church with her later on that year, it was Kathy's working with me to get me to open up and my love for music and singing that opened the door for the Lord. I sat there in January of my seventh grade year in a church with my teacher, Karan, crying after service as she told me for the first time what Jesus had done for me, that He is alive, and that He loves me.
So, all that to say... singing for the Lord is something that's very close to my heart. 
_____________________________
<~~ My adorable lil cousins
All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.
-Edmund Burke
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Babbling Boots - 6/26/2009 6:48:29 PM
|
|
|
bootsNspurs
Posts: 1319
Joined: 1/24/2007
From: Wisconsin, but currently in the desert!
Status: offline
|
Just want to clarify something:
When I say the Lord used music to save my life, it's because not only did He use it to open the door to my heart for Him, but those times after school with Kathy were what I lived for during that time. That was my escape, my only thing to look forward to. That was my outlet and my safe place. It also gave me the confidence to open up about an ongoing abusive situation that was happening to me at school that same year.
Kathy was one of only two people (the other one being my homeroom teacher that was the one who took me to church) that actually made me feel worth something. It was totally the Lord.
BTW, I still keep in contact with Kathy to this day, and I have told her all of this. I remember when I told her... she had had no idea the huge impact that she had on me during that time... or how close I had come to giving up. Kathy just went about her business serving the Lord with all her heart. She is a very precious lady of God.
_____________________________
<~~ My adorable lil cousins
All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.
-Edmund Burke
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Babbling Boots - 6/26/2009 10:54:32 PM
|
|
|
awed
Posts: 6181
Joined: 4/8/2005
From: Wisconsin
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: bootsNspurs_mod
Just want to clarify something:
BTW, I still keep in contact with Kathy to this day, and I have told her all of this. I remember when I told her... she had had no idea the huge impact that she had on me during that time... or how close I had come to giving up. Kathy just went about her business serving the Lord with all her heart. She is a very precious lady of God.
So very cool Boots! ((((Boots))))
Thanks for sharing all that you did. I just said a prayer or thanks for your Kathy and for all the "Kathys" out there.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Babbling Boots - 6/26/2009 11:19:14 PM
|
|
|
Bountiful
Posts: 891
Joined: 12/15/2008
Status: offline
|
Thank you for sharing this with us. It is a beautiful testimony. Yes, yes, yes. Sing for the Lord. But I understand your fears. Your plan sounds like a good one. Would it help if you stood holding your Bible while you sang? Or just picture Jesus in your mind as you sing to him.
Bless you, dear boots.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Babbling Boots - 6/30/2009 2:02:52 PM
|
|
|
ForgivenGrace
Posts: 8470
Joined: 5/11/2005
From: Wherever God plants me.
Status: offline
|
I love it when people are purposely vague.
_____________________________
You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
~Dr. Seuss
Formally known as saraimay75
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Babbling Boots - 7/2/2009 7:53:07 PM
|
|
|
bootsNspurs
Posts: 1319
Joined: 1/24/2007
From: Wisconsin, but currently in the desert!
Status: offline
|
Forensic Files is cool... soccer match is good.
News is okay.
The rest are not my thing.
I would appreciate it if y'all would maybe say a quick prayer for me today. Nothing earthshattering, just feeling quite overwhelmed. Sleep didn't help as much as I hoped it would.
Thanks!
_____________________________
<~~ My adorable lil cousins
All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.
-Edmund Burke
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Babbling Boots - 7/2/2009 8:36:17 PM
|
|
|
phosadaud
Posts: 10030
Joined: 9/19/2005
From: Washington State
Status: offline
|
(((((((((((Boots))))))))))))))
Praying for you!
_____________________________
~Kristin~
Did you ever notice there are no recipes for leftover chocolate?
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Babbling Boots - 7/2/2009 9:42:49 PM
|
|
|
dsfuva
Posts: 2678
Joined: 8/25/2005
From: Virginia
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: phosadaud
(((((((((((Boots))))))))))))))
Praying for you!
Likewise.
(((((Boots)))))
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Babbling Boots - 7/2/2009 11:35:53 PM
|
|
|
Bountiful
Posts: 891
Joined: 12/15/2008
Status: offline
|
(((((Boots)))))
Praying for you.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Babbling Boots - 7/3/2009 5:06:44 AM
|
|
|
bootsNspurs
Posts: 1319
Joined: 1/24/2007
From: Wisconsin, but currently in the desert!
Status: offline
|
Thank you guys so much.
((((((((( SharMar ))))))))))
((((((( Phosy )))))))))
((((((( Dsfuva )))))))))
((((((((( Bountiful ))))))))
((((((((( Mac )))))))))
I managed to get to church tonight (after much arguing with myself over it and a huge lack of desire to go). I walked in just over a half hour late, or maybe right about a half hour late. It's funny how the Lord works sometimes. I nearly texted my friend Susan to ask her if I could sit with her and to save me a seat, but I decided not to do that for a few reasons. One being that I didn't want to bother her or be clingy. Another being that I just didn't want to deal with everything, and so I planned on sitting all the way in the back and trying to kinda hide.
I walked in and was standing in the back for maybe 30 seconds or so looking for an aisle seat in the back (cuz I can't stand to feel blocked in, especially by people I don't know). Susan got up from her seat and walked to the back and motioned for me to come with her. She said she saved me a seat. She has never done that before that either of us can remember, and she usually never sees me come in if I'm late because the door is in the back. That was a God thing. So, I got to sit by Susan, which she could tell in less than a minute that I wasn't really okay. Interesting how that works. Also, I was quite thankful because I got to sit by Susan, and the Lord even provided me an aisle seat tonight.
I was dealing with some anxiety tonight from feeling so overwhelmed. It was a struggle to make myself go to church because I knew I needed to be there, even if I was late. I went up for prayer afterward. I do feel more at peace and I don't feel like there is someone sitting on my chest anymore. I can actually breathe! I still do have a lingering feeling in the pit of my stomach type of thing. I am thinkin that will go away when I feel like things are more squared away in this new place. I don't know... just a lot on my mind and heart right now.
I feel bad for struggling with anything right now, and for asking for prayer. I don't want to be ungrateful. I know I am so blessed, and I truly am thankful. I thank Him several times a day because I just can't believe how much He has blessed me. So what is my problem? Why am I letting things get to me? It's really not a big deal in the scheme of things.
Thank you guys... seriously, it means a lot to know you care, even if I'm just letting dumb stuff get to me.
_____________________________
<~~ My adorable lil cousins
All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.
-Edmund Burke
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Babbling Boots - 7/3/2009 10:18:56 PM
|
|
|
dsfuva
Posts: 2678
Joined: 8/25/2005
From: Virginia
Status: offline
|
quote:
I feel bad for struggling with anything right now, and for asking for prayer.
Boots, there's nothing for you to feel bad about. We all struggle from time to time. You did the right thing in seeking the Lord and going up for prayer.
(((((Boots)))))
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Babbling Boots - 7/3/2009 11:37:04 PM
|
|
|
Bountiful
Posts: 891
Joined: 12/15/2008
Status: offline
|
No reason to feel bad at all. It's called "life." We all feel like that once in a while. But look at what happened? You turned to the Lord in the end which is what he wants. I don't know why we turn away from him when we need him. I think in some way we feel ashamed that we are feeling overwhelmed because another part of ourselves knows that we have much to be thankful for. I have the same problem. For some strange reason I feel that I have to at least try and deal with things on my own before turning to God. Silly, but that's what happens. I think when you're on your own (single, divorced, widowed) that you feel like you have to take care of everything (and we do, in a sense), it's not uncommon to feel overwhelmed.
Boots, you've been working so hard for so long, now you've moved, it's no surprise that you are feeling a little overwhelmed. I describe it as being on "high speed" all the time. When you finally turn yourself down a notch or two, there is an adjustment period that goes with it.
Don't feel bad for being human. That's the way God made us.
|
|
|
|
 New Messages |
 No New Messages |
 Hot Topic w/ New Messages |
 Hot Topic w/o New Messages |
 Locked w/ New Messages |
 Locked w/o New Messages |
|
 Post New Thread
Reply to Message
Post New Poll
Submit Vote
Delete My Own Post
Delete My Own Thread
Rate Posts |
|
|
Forum Tools
Printable Version
